Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
