I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
