I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
