it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this just has baby written all over it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we're so committed to being not committed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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