So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
