i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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