I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
