just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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