I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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