There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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