i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
