Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
