When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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