I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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