Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
