Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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