it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
