hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Terrible idea I love it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
