the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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