you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
