i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
