Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
