i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
