she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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