Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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