I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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