i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
