he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
