I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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