You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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