Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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