Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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