I seem to have left my pride at pride
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
