***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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