I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Two words: nipple clamps
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