woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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