wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
