I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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