Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
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Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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