There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
