And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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