The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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