oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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