It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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