Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
