so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
