i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
