Porn is love you can see.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off