I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster