fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
