I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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