Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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