She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
