At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
