if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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