I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
