I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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