yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
