Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
