U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
